The Key of Death
by ninja rainbows
Summary: Okay then... Harry's cousin Dudley is a wizard, and it actually starts the year before Harry comes to Hogwarts. I know it sounds really lame, but please read and review! I don't think you'll be disappointed! Rated T because of violence that'll happen later on in the story.
1. Sneaky Spying

**Hello! This idea has been nagging at my head for FOREVER and it's been driving me insane. The only solution? Put it into a story, of course!**

**For all you people who hate Dudley Dursley with a burning passion, this is NOT a story for you! I hate him too... but that's beside the point. He shapes up in the Deathly Hallows.**

**Do I ****_look_**** like JK Rowling? No. I'm a brunette. Therefore, I do not own Harry Potter.**

Kicking off the ground. Going backward. Going forward. Kicking to get more air time. Going backward. Going forward.

Kicking again. "I'm going higher than you, Piers!"

A boyish grin flashed over the other boy's rat-like features. "Well I can _jump_ higher than you, Dudley!" he challenged.

So Piers kicked backward, as did Dudley, and the two boys continued to swing until they got the perfect height and speed. Piers leaped from his swing, flying a good six feet forward and five up. He landed on his face in the mulch with a mighty _oof!_ and many of the little wood pieces went flying. The bridge of his nose morphed into a big purple broken mass, as blood began to drip down onto his blue sweatshirt, yet he was still smiling. "Bead dat!"

Dudley took a deep breath and kicked once more as he went back. Then as he got to the highest point the swing would let him go, he launched himself off. High up into the sky he flew, or at least was so for a six year old boy, being only four feet tall. Doing a somersault in the air, he gently dropped to the ground, landing with a light tap.  
Slack jawed and bug eyed, Piers made a sound of utter awe. "Dat was da coolesd ding I'b eber seed!"

Dudley laughed and sat down next to his injured friend. "Piers, I think you should probably get to a hospital soon for that nose," he told him, moving to touch his friend's broken nose. His middle finger made contact and the bleeding ceased. The bruise faded in unnatural time, and Piers' eyes were wide as saucers once again.

"D- Dudley? H- how did you..." he stuttered in awe, touching his nose as if not believing that had happened. "Y- you just! Wha- what? Nose, you, finger! What the-!?" he couldn't even finish his own sentence.

Shifting his weight back and forth on his knees, Dudley began to feel awkward. "I- I don't know, Piers. M- my cousin Harry does things like that all the t- time," suddenly, his mind began to twist. "I- I couldn't be becoming like Potter, could I? I'm not like him... am I?"

The ratlike boy across from Dudley looked absolutely terrified, and scrambled backward. "You'd better not, Dudley, or I won't be friends with you anymore!" he stuttered. "I'm telling your mum!" he yelled, running from the park toward Number 4 Privet Drive.

Dudley shouted for Piers to stop, but he wouldn't. He crawled to under a picnic table and began to cry. His best friend is snitching on him for something he couldn't even control.

Little did Dudley know, two men were hiding in the bushes, arguing about what to do about this situation. "I think we should just go in and grab him!" said the one with clean, fluffy blonde hair. "I want my son back."

The other man, hair greasy and hanging down to his shoulders, gave a shake of his head. "No, we have to wait until Sibyll sees us taking her. This must be done with the uttermost precautions. Do you know how long it took us to extract that Malfoy girl? Forever! Patience, Lockhart. It should happen soon enough."

* * *

The greasy man's statement was wrong, however. It took a whole four years before Sibyll Trelawney saw _anything_._  
_

Dudley had grown quite a bit. He was bigger around the waist, and bigger going up and down. He had begun to bully people: Harry, people he didn't like, his teachers. And so on and so forth. He was now eleven years old, and everyone had forgotten about that horrific incident in the park.

Everyone but Dudley.

More things of the sort had been happening to him, and he still couldn't help it. One day a few weeks after 'the incident', as people had begun to call it until it faded into their memories, Dudley was in a coffee shop waiting for his dad to pick him up, and he was quite bored.

He thought how funny it would be if all the coffee flew from the people's hands and into the air, when all of a sudden, a man's coffee cup exploded all over him. Then a woman's launched itself out of her hand and hit the ceiling lamp. A teenaged boy screamed as his pranced around in the air before emptying itself onto him. Another splattered all over a large, walrus-like man who was just walking in the door. Dudley ceased his laughing and exited the shop with his father.

Another time, while walking down the street, Dudley caused a great wind to pick up the fallen leaves and swirl them around him. Another, he flew off the swing again. Another, he made a dead flower become fresh again, as if it had only just been picked.

But staring in the mirror right now, Dudley wasn't sure if it was another incident or if he was just going around the bend. His hair was changing colors. So were his eyes.

_Brown_, he thought carefully, scrunching his eyes together and focusing on his short cropped blonde hair,_ brown and long_. A voice in his head asked,_** How long?** _"Worth a shot..." Dudley muttered to himself._ Down to my shoulders._

Opening one eye, he saw himself still in the mirror. But he saw himself with shoulder length brown hair. "No way..." his voice came out awestruck and high pitched.

"Diddy!" called his mother from down the stairs. "Dinner time! It's your favorite, just for your birthday!"

Dudley sighed._ My birthday, just excellent. I nearly forgot. Just kidding! How on earth could I forget with you constantly hugging and kissing me?_ He smirked at his mind, it had a good sense of sarcasm. He looked back in the mirror and concentrated. _Blonde and short._ He demanded himself.

Without even checking to make sure his hair was back to normal, he dashed down the stairs and into the kitchen, where his mother had prepared steak. He bit back a rude comment about her forgetting the fact that he was vegetarian.

"My son! Eleven years old now! You'll be going into the sixth form! Practically a man already!" his father blubbered through his mustache "Eat! You need to put some meat on those bones!" Inwardly rolling his eyes, Dudley thought,_ Dad, I already have enough meat on my bones. Do you even know where this meat comes from? ANIMALS!_

However, he sat down at the table anyway and began to pick green beans and peas and carrots off the plate and eat them. His mother and father chattered all through dinner, which lasted about twenty minutes before the knock came.

It was a loud knock, meaning whoever was at the door had a good purpose for being there. Suddenly silent, the house seemed to shrink in fear. Another knock came, and this time Petunia stood and answered the door.

She gasped when she saw the figure in the doorway. "You! It's you! What in the name of God are you doing here!? Lily is gone! She's dead! Long dead! Eleven years, it's been! Dead! And I've never been happier!" Petunia screamed at him. The man seemed to be rather hurt by this comment, but didn't back down.

"I'm not here for Lily, stupid muggle," he said bitterly, "I'm here for Dudley."

**Yay! Did you like? Did you hate? Do you not care? Was it stupid? Please, people! TELL ME! I'd like reviews, please oh please! I know it was probably really really suckish, but I want to know what you think! Should I go on? I don't know...**

**Not that any of you care, but Piers' swinging fail was based off my own swinging fail over the summer :)**

***ninja rainbows* out!**


	2. Madness and Motorbikes

**Dudley t'is a metamorphmagus! Amazing, isn't it?**

**Anywho, I got two very cool reviews, and that made me really happy! So, thanks to you two awesome reviewers! By the way, the bold in the story is Dudley's metamorphmagus talking to him. I just kind of made up how a metamorphmagus changes, but I feel like they have to talk to a voice inside their head. **

**Blah blah blah, I don't own Harry Potter. I _do_ however, own Heidi Hagrid and Gemini Malfoy... HAHAHAHAHA! You don't know who I'm talking about!**

**On with the story!**

Dudley stopped mid chew of a green bean, and turned in his seat to look at the man in the doorway.

"Y- you're here for me?" he asked, half in shock. He could feel his eyes going wild, and a tiny voice in his head was screaming, **Brown! NO! Blue? YES! NO! Black! Orange! Yellow! Green! WRONG! Blue! NO!**

Dudley stopped mid chew of a green bean, and turned in his seat to look at the man in the doorway. "Y- you're here for me?" he asked, half in shock.

The man began to answer, when Petunia slammed the door in his face. Completely confused, Dudley looked at his mother. "Mum, who was that? Why did you slam the door?"

His mother stalked back to the table and slammed herself back into her chair. Then she muttered something to Vernon, of which Dudley only caught, "...Snape ...stupid ...couldn't ...wizard..."

He felt sick. "Mum, I think I'm done with my dinner. Um... may I be excused please?" he asked as sweetly as possible. Petunia nodded.

"I have things to discuss with your father, anyway."

As fast as possible, Dudley dashed back up the stairs and slammed his door. He paced around his room a little, **My hair is black! **_**No it**_** isn't!**** Yes it is! **_**Wrong! It's green!**_** Okay, you've gone insane now! My hair is clearly brown! _No, it's-_**

"SHUT UP!" Dudley screamed into a mirror as his hair turned purple and spiky. "Oh, look what you've done, Dudley! You've gone and made your hair purple! Now I've really gone mad! I'm talking to myself while looking in the mirror and watching my hair turn colors!" he ran at his wall and tried to flying ninja kick it.

Failing, he fell on his back and stars danced across his vision. He flailed around on the ground for a minute before screaming at the starry ceiling, "Why am I going mad!?"

He continued to roll around on his floor, knocking things off shelves and running into walls and other things laying around, until he noticed two letters on his bed. One was in a fancy envelope, and the other looked as if someone had scribbled it quickly.

He read the messy one first. It said,

_Dudley, I have some important news for you. This may come as a shock, but you're not Vernon and Petunia's son. I'll explain later when I see you. Don't inform the Dursleys about this letter, please._

_Yours truly, Severus Snape_

Dudley looked around to try and find the snarky, slimy voice that was reading the letter aloud in his head, before he shrugged and looked back at the other letter, opening it carefully. On the inside was a small paragraph and a long list written in green ink and fancy scrawl.

_Mr. Lockhart,_

It was the piercing voice of a grandmotherly type of person, this time. Dudley was still confused as to where the voices were coming from, but he continued reading anyway.

_Congratulations on being accepted to Hogwarts! I am Professor McGonagall, your Transfiguration teacher. In the following is your school supplies list. Have a good summer!_

_Professor McGonagall_

_1 Set School Robes (Black)_

_1 Copper Cauldron_

_1 Moon Chart_

_1 Star Chart_

_1 Wand_

And the list went on like that, with objects Dudley hadn't ever heard of, or he had heard of but seemed rather odd to be put on a school supplies list.

A tap came on his window, crashing his train of thought. **Wheeeeeee!** Shouted the passengers of the thought train. Another tap. His train of thought was falling off a cliff, now. Then another. Someone seemed to be throwing pebbles to get his attention. The tapping ceased for a second, before a massive rock was launched through the window and onto the floor, shattering the glass, but not making any noise at all. Dudley nearly wet himself as he stumbled backwards over his desk chair.

"Dudley!" hissed a voice from outside his window. Creeping over to the broken glass, he peered out and nearly screamed. A motorcycle, an actual motorcycle, was hovering outside, holding the greasy man Severus Snape and a younger looking girl with long bushy brown hair. A golden necklace hung around her neck, with an hourglass hanging from the chain, the sand falling slowly into the bottom.

She smiled, raising her eyebrows at his shock. "Well, c'mon, then. Get on the bike!"

Dumbstruck, Dudley didn't move. The girl looked rather impatiently at him. "Really? Is this your pre-biking ritual? Do you seriously stand there and not move for eternity before you get on a motorcycle?"

"I- it's flying?" Dudley asked, pointing to the motorbike and then to the ground. "How- What? I've really gone round the bend now!"

"You're not mad. You're a wizard, Dudley!" said the girl with a smug grin.

Snape leaned over and offered a hand to Dudley. "What about mum? Dad? Do they know I'm a wizard?" the frightened boy asked.

"Left 'em a note! Now c'mon!" said the girl again. Dudley thought about what his batty neighbor Mrs. Figg would say if she knew he was going on some strange girl's motorbike at night. She'd probably smile and nudge him forward.

"_If you don't take the hand, people are going to stop reaching out to you._" So, with a deep breath, Dudley took Snape's hand and sat on the motorcycle in between them. The second he was down, the girl took off into the sky.

Up, up, up they flew into the thin air. Clouds engulfed them and nearly drenched Dudley's sweater and jeans. It made him shiver, and his teeth chatter. The cold didn't appear to be affecting the girl and Snape, though.

Speaking of said girl, she turned halfway around, one hand on the handlebars, and nodded to him. "I'm Heidi Hagrid, by the way. Quite the pleasure. I know you well, where I come from."

Dudley gave her a staggered nod and rubbed his forearms. He was quite glad they were finally landing.

As they stepped off the bike, a huge manor sprawled before them. It was painted baby blue, and had an enormous glass roof, revealing a massive library at the top of at least seven stories. Marble columns lined the outside, with large windows and balconies.

It was a very nice seeming manor, and the niceness was greatly improved when a man clad in pink robes flamboyantly strolled from the front doors and engulfed Dudley in a warm hug.

"Dudley, it's really you!"

**Yay! It's chapter two! Review, please oh please?**

**And thanks to the awesome people who reviewed! **

**I will send my dragon fish to eat you if you read but don't review! So, please review!**

**Should I continue the story, or is it really stupid and boring? And can anyone guess where Heidi is from? I'll give you a hint, the hourglass around her neck is a modified time turner!**

**bye!**

***ninja rainbows* out!**


	3. Potters and Malfoy and Tonks, oh my!

**Hey everybody! It's me again! I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while to all of you who actually care about this story. But my computer broke, and I had a huge research essay due for school, and my internet hasn't been working great, and I had to do all my typing on my phone or at school. ENOUGH COMPLAINING, STUPID GIRL! Sorry. I hope you enjoy this chapter I didn't do very well on! Me no own Harry Potter!**

Having a man you don't know embrace you tightly is sort of weird on it's own.

Then you find out this man is your father, and you feel even more weird.

"Oh, Dudley! I've missed you so much!" he said for the tenth time as he continued to squeeze the organs out of the confused blonde boy who hadn't said much since his arrival. "I can't believe it took this long for us to get a hold of you!"

They were walking down a long hallway to the meeting room, where they apparently had some very important business to attend to. Dudley wasn't entirely sure what such a large mansion was needed for, his family had always done fairly well in their smaller sized house, but he tried to take in the surroundings as much as he could.

The walls were a light pink color, with baby blue swirls that moved along slowly, curling into other shapes and then back into swirls. The floor was shiny white marble that Dudley felt awkward dragging his muddy shoes all over. There were doorways every few feet, going into different rooms of all shapes and sizes. Little creatures with big noses and pointy ears were running about everywhere he looked.

The four entered the meeting room where an array of people were hanging about. The walls had changed to black glass with silver beams going up and down. The ceiling appeared to be open to the night sky, and the floor was a cushy black carpet. There were fancy couches where people were lounging about, and a glowing white bar where one of the little creatures was serving drinks.

"I'll have a Mountain Dew!" loudly said an older girl with spiky black hair to the little creature at the bar, who snapped it's fingers and made a can of the soda appear in front of her. "Thanks, Rizzy. I appreciate it."

A very young boy with unruly blonde hair began conversing excitedly with her, while a woman who appeared to be his mother began trying to tame his hair. Dudley noticed another girl balancing on her pointer finger of her left hand at the top of a tall stack of wine glasses. She switched to the same finger on her other hand lightly, and the few people watching her applauded.

"Attention, attention!" shouted Mr. Lockhart, standing up on a stool the little creatures had made appear for him. "Everyone, I'd like you to meet my son Dudley!" Whispers and astonished looks flickered through the crowd, and Dudley found himself looking at his shoes. It was a strange feeling, embarrassment, and he suddenly felt bad for all the kids he'd made feel like he was now. "He's finally eleven, so we've gathered him to go to Hogwarts, special thanks to our very own Severus Snape, and the fabulous Heidi Hagrid, who's been the best time traveler we know."

As the crowd applauded and cheered, Heidi took an overly dramatic bow before going and standing beside two massively tall people who looked like her parents. Snape didn't move, but he cracked a small smile at a red haired woman and a man with round glasses. As Dudley studied him, he realized he looked rather suspiciously like his cousin Harry, right down to the hair that stuck up in the back.

"Mr. Snape?" he asked around his father's speech. Snape nodded and leaned around Dudley's father's back to hear. "Who's that woman you just nodded at? And the man with her?"

Just as he was about to answer, Mr. Lockhart made a gesture to the two and said, "And please give a hand for the Potters, because this _is_ the anniversary of their joining of the Order!"

Cheering erupted, and Dudley broke from his father's side at last. He tried to get over to the Potters, but was intercepted by the black haired girl and the blonde boy. "You must be Dudley Lockhart!" said the girl, taking up his right hand and shaking it. "I'm Nymphadora Tonks, but you can just call me Tonks."

The boy at her side took up his other hand, causing his arms to cross. "I'm Draco Malfoy. It's a pleasure, it really is!" said the boy with an airy voice. Dudley hadn't noticed it until he looked closely, but it seemed that Tonks' hair had gone from midnight black to an extremely dark blue. And Draco's hair had changed completely right in front of his eyes! It _was_ blonde, but he'd shifted it to black, like Tonks' had been a second ago.

"Your hair!" Dudley exclaimed, pointing to their heads. "It changed color!"

Tonks nodded as if they got that reaction a lot. "Yeah, we're metamorphmagus. The both of us. Means we can change our appearance at will. Draco doesn't have as good of control over it, 'cause he's so young."

"I can't believe it!" he said after she finished. Draco nodded, his eyes off in the distance.

"Oh, yes. We get that reaction a lot."

"No, I mean I can't believe I've found someone else who can do... it!" he said with a smile on his face. Tonks looked superbly excited, and made a squealing noise.

"You're a metamorphmagus too!?" she asked. Draco applauded and Tonks did a happy dance. "Change! Do something for us!" she said once she'd calmed down enough to speak.

Dudley clenched his eyes shut and said to his brain, _okay, it's time you did something useful_. **How may I serve you, my liege?** _Turn my hair brown. And_ long.** Oh, so the usual.**_ You hush. It was the first thing I thought_ of!** I could come up with better. **_Fine then, but do_ _it. _**As you wish. ****  
**

Tonks and Draco made excited noises, so Dudley presumed it had worked. He felt at his head, pulling down a piece of his hair, and realized what a big mistake he'd made letting his subconscious control his shape shifting. His hair was a puffy Afro. That was _pink_.

_Thank you for humiliating me. Now change it_ _back. _**But-**_ Now._ **Fine.**

Dudley felt his hair to make sure it was back to normal. He let out a sigh of relief. "Well, it was nice meeting you, but I really need to get going," he told Tonks and Draco quickly, and starting to walk away. The two nodded to each other and ran off to cause some form of mayhem (which Dudley would regret allowing them to do in the near future).

Weaseling through the crowd and finally making it over to the Potters, Dudley realized how much the two freakishly looked like Harry. And their last name was even the same as his! They looked like the perfect couple, smiling and holding hands. As the cheering died down, the two Potters finally noticed Dudley there. The man adjusted his glasses and made a face of awe. "Dudley, is that _you_?" he asked. Dudley nodded and saw through the man's hair a swirly shaped scar sitting on his forehead.

"Dudley Lockhart? Vernon and Tuney's little adopted?" the woman asked, leaning down to look down at his face. "By Merlin it _is_ you! I didn't think you'd see us here. When Gilderoy made the announcement about his son, we were going to come up to _you_!"

A scar shaped like half a star sat on her forehead, plain and easy to see. "Do I know you?" he asked awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. The woman laughed and leaned her head on the man's shoulder.

"Of course you _wouldn't_, we're Harry's parents! We're supposed to be dead!"

**Fin. I'm working on Chapter 4, so it should be out soon. I PROMISE there won't be a massive break of no updates like last time. Please review oh please oh please! Bye now!**

**~Ninja Rainbows**


	4. Death Eater Immitations

_\_**Sorry, that took longer than anticipated. And this chapter sucks royal hippogriff because I have WRITERS BLOCK and if you'd just give me some ideas for what could happen in the next chapter, I'd just love that. On with the story. I don't own Harry Potter in the slightest bit.**

**Oh, on a side note, who watched AVPSY tonight? If you did, tell me what _you_ thought, because I LOVED IT! :,( cried during the reprise of gotta get back to hogwarts...**

**Anyway, hope you enjoy this horribly written chapter!**

* * *

_"We're Harry's parents! We're supposed to be dead!"_

Dudley stared at the woman in front of him, shocked. The man did look remarkably like Harry, and the woman had the same eyes as his cousin, but his mother said that they were dead. And they're _supposed_ to be dead. "A- aunt Lily?" he stuttered, now recognizing her from a picture he found in Petunia's desk drawer.

Lily smiled and ruffled the boy's hair. "Well, I'm not _technically_ your aunt, but you can call me that if you want. James, stop making those faces at Remus. It's ungodly," she said, smacking her husband on the upper arm. He looked back at her, but his eyes stayed on a man across the room, who was sticking his tongue out and turning his head to the side.

Turning to the little elf creature at the bar, Lily ordered something called butterbeer. The empty glass filled with a frothy golden liquid and the woman thanked the creature, before taking a sip of the drink.

"So, you survived the car crash? Why didn't you come back for Harry?" asked Dudley. James laughed from his belly and looked around as if trying to find a reason for escape.

"Is that what Tuney told you? A car crash? Oh, that's classic. I'm going to have to tell Lucius about this one. _Lucius!_" shouted James in a rushed manner, raising his hand and running toward a man with long blonde hair. Lily sighed and stared after her husband.

"What am I ever going to do with him?" she asked, arms crossed and shaking her head. Dudley watched him go, and felt as though James had been trying to get out of there for a while.

A girl who Dudley didn't think he'd seen before swaggered up to him and Lily, who quickly walked away. She was wearing a sparkly black pencil dress with black tights and six inch black stilettos. Golden hair cascaded in curls down her back, which was left open by the dress. Her eyes were lined with thick black pencil and her eyelashes were heavily amplified by lots of mascara. "Dudlen!" she said, giving him a quick and awkward hug.

"Uh, it's Dudley," he told her as she let go of him. She pushed out her red lips.

"It is? Hm. Well, I haven't seen you since you were a wittle baby!" the girl squished Dudley's cheeks between her perfectly manicured hands and made the strangest face the boy had ever seen. Tonks and Draco stormed up.

"Hey! Leave some of him for us!" shouted Tonks, and Draco nodded, still not exactly looking at the spot he should be. "Stop hogging the host's son! Other people should get to see some of him, now shoo!" she told the blonde girl, who sneered and sauntered away. Tonks turned back to Dudley. "I'm sorry about her. She's in my year, and a complete... well... I don't want to hurt your ears."

The boy looked where the older girl had left. "Who was that?" he asked the scowling Tonks. She sighed at him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"That was Dacia DelCi. Watch out: she bites," she told Dudley with a frown on her face as though she'd just eaten something rotten. Draco twirled his wand through his hair.

"She's like the nargles. You won't see her coming, but she'll swoop in and steal what you love the second she has the chance," he said in a dreamy voice, looking at the chandelier. The freaked Dudley out a little, but he hoped that what they said was just a horrible rumor or... whatever, and that she might not be so bad after all.

There was a long silence in which no one said anything, and somehow they migrated over to the couches. After a while of sitting, Tonks got an extraordinarily happy look on her face and she jumped at a tall man with long blonde hair. The same man James had run over to. What was his name? L something. "Lucius Malfoy, meet Dudley Lockhart. He's Gilderoy's son. _And _he's a metamorphmagus."

Lucius smiled warmly at Dudley and shook his hand, staring off into the same place Draco had been staring. "Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you, Dudley. I'm Lucius Malfoy. Have you ever tried gurdyroot juice?"

Dudley stared at him and stuttered, "G- gurdyroot? No, I don't believe I have."

"Oh, well you _need_ to visit Draco and I at our home! Narcissa makes the _best_ of it. We pick them ourselves! Out of our garden! Oh, we have the finest garden, all the most fabulous plants! Mistletoe berries, Chanspuka vines, and of course, our gurdyroots," he told Dudley with an overly happy grin on his face. The boy let go of Lucius' hand and nodded politely.

Tonks butted in suddenly with an exuberant wave of her hands. "Uncle Lucius, do your Death Eater voice for him! It's the best!" she turned to Dudley with a smile that outmatched Draco. "He has _the_ best Death Eater voice!"

"Oh, but Nymphadora, I wouldn't know what to say," Lucius whined to her, making the most pathetic face Dudley had ever seen. Tonks sighed.

"Do the first bit about Dobby, that one's real good. But use his name instead of Draco's," she told him impatiently. Lucius took a deep breath and looked directly into Dudley's eyes, making the boy squirm under the man's glare.

"But Dudley," he said in a steely voice, his happy face contorted into a sneer, "wouldn't you like to know who your _real_ father is?" There was a pause where he kept glaring, until he and Tonks began laughing. "Oh, how did you enjoy that? I really had fun with that one!" he said, the airy quality of his voice returned.

The boy began laughing as well, realizing it was all just an impersonation. "I _told_ you he has the best Death Eater voice on this side of London!"

Dudley suddenly grew confused. "What's a Death Eater?" he asked. Everyone in their immediate group grew silent in a quick and eerie fashion. "What? Did I say something wrong?" he said afterward, fearing to have said a bad wizard word.

Tonks, shaking her head, sighed. "A Death Eater's a servant of Voldemort. He's an evil wizard who killed a lot of people. Or at least," she caught herself, chuckling slightly, "we thought he killed a lot of people, until they started reappearing everywhere. Then we realized the killing curse didn't actually kill. It simply scarred them on their forehead and dragged them to a different location. You can tell who's an AK victim by looking at the scar. It's never big, and it's always a strange shape. Like Lily's is half a star or Snape's is sort of like a flower. I don't have one, 'cause I was never AK'd. Yours is really cool," she said, looking closely at his forehead.

"What? I have one?" Dudley asked, taking a step back and touching his forehead. Tonks stumbled forward to look at it again.

"Yeah, that's how you got to Privet Drive."

**Fin. Don't know when the next chapter will be up, so peace out.**


	5. Lolly the House Elf

**Okay, so I reread chapters 1 and 2, and I realized that I accidentally wrote she instead of he in one part and copied and pasted a sentence into another part of that same chapter... Now I'm all awkward... Anywho... Wow, this was out sooner than I thought I was going to get it out! Oh well! Hope you enjoy! I wrote this pretty fast because I had a lot of homework, but I didn't want to forget my creepy English teacher inspiration idea, so it's probably pretty bad. Yeah. Maybe you just shouldn't read it. Nevermind, you probably should, because nothing's going to make sense if you don't... But if you don't want to read the chapter go to the very bottom for a summary. Anyway, here it is if you want to read it!**

**I don't own Harry Potter!**

* * *

"OUT! OUT OUT OUT OUT!" shrieked a house elf at Dudley when he asked if he could help in the kitchen. Not that he minded being waited upon, but seeing the tiny little things without any real clothes on... just made him sad. They had so much life in them, but they were bound to serve one family until death. And they wouldn't even run away! It confused him. So then he was sad _and_ confused.

But that was the least of what was on his mind at the moment. Sitting at the marble dining table casually with his father, who was scratching away at a paper with a tall peacock feather quill, the blonde boy awkwardly picked at his waffles the house elves had prepared for him. "So, uh, dad," he began. Gilderoy looked up from his parchment at his son, who looked at his lap just as his father's eyes came up.

"Yes?" asked the taller blonde man. Dudley twiddled his thumbs and met Gilderoy's eyes, which were rimmed in red from lack of sleep.

"Uh, well, I was just wondering if you'd tell me about how I got to be at Privet Drive again? Please? It's still sort of shocking," asked the young boy with awkward hope in his voice.

Gilderoy smiled warmly and yawned, stretching his arms out. "Well, you were just a baby, and you were with me and Severus Snape, of course you remember him. So, these Death Eaters, you know about them now, they came and cruciatus cursed me 'til I was out cold, then," there was a pause as the blonde man yawned again and rubbed his eyes, "next thing I know, you and Snape are gone and I'm tied to a pole with Nymphadora Tonks and Rubeus Hagrid. Found out later you'd been hit with the killing curse and were at some muggle house. You know, I think I'm going to go to sleep after I finish this chapter," the man finished.

"Well," Dudley prompted, "how much more of the chapter do you have to write?"

Flipping through his notes and pages of his book, Gilderoy banged his head down on the table and screamed into his hands. His son let out the slightest giggle at his father's exclamation and immediately smacked his hand over his mouth. "Fifteen more pages!" cried the blonde man, his shoulders trembling. "I can't do this anymore!"

The house elf called Lolly heard her master's crying from all the way across the hall, and she apparated to his side immediately. Dudley watched in awe as the little tiny creature calmed his father down with a soft voice that sounded like either a mother, or a best friend, or maybe a combination of both. Lolly looked Gilderoy in the dripping eyes and smiled. "There we are. No more crying, now. Okay?" she told the blonde man, pulling him into a hug. When they separated, she kept a firm grip on his shoulders. "Okay?"

Dudley's father nodded weakly and sighed. Lolly grinned from huge ear to huge ear. "That's the master Lolly knows and loves! Now who's going to write those fifteen pages? You are!" she told him. He nodded, more firmly this time, and began to dissolve into his writing again, but not before looking back up at Dudley.

"I'm going to take you to Diagon Alley tomorrow, deal?" he asked, smiling at his son. Dudley shrugged and agreed, watching his father hunch back over his parchment, quill scribbling away.

The young boy started to walk out, and gestured for Lolly to follow him. The little elf did exactly so, the both of them going down the hall into the sitting room. Dudley took a seat on the purple couch, and patted the seat next to him. Lolly, used to her masters treating her kinder than others treat their house elves, took the seat gladly. "Yes, young master Lockhart?" asked the house elf.

Waving his hand dismissively, Dudley leaned back. "Okay, none of that 'young master Lockhart' business. Call me Dudley, and I'll call you Lolly. Sound good to you?" he asked. Lolly nodded. "Anyway, what happened back there? With Gilder-" catching himself, the blonde corrected his stumble, "dad. Why did he start crying? You seemed so in control of the situation. It was incredible."

Lolly shrugged her tiny shoulders. "Master has breakdowns like that all the time. His publisher's a real horrible wizard, you know. He used to be a Death Eater, but got out of going to Azkaban by saying he was under the Imperious curse, nasty liar," spat the elf in disgust, "And he becomes a publisher of wizarding books! Then poor master goes to him and asks him to publish his first book he'd written. And this horrid man agrees, but he's a complete and utter git, that's what he is," the house elf became very disgruntled, crossing her arms across her bedsheet clothed chest. "Pressuring master, shouting at him. Using dark jinxes."

"Dark jinxes? Like, dark magic? He still uses it?" asked the blonde, leaning in, suddenly interested. He'd found out a lot about the Death Eaters and Lord Voldemort from Tonks over the past few days, and it seemed impossible that there was still traces of the Dark Lord out there, despite everything the wizard cops... or whatever they are... have done to try and get rid of them.

The house elf nodded, her watery eyes wide with fear. "Oh, yes. Uses them much. If master doesn't have a chapter finished, and brings it in late, he'll hex him. Happens all the times."

Dudley was still confused. "But, wouldn't he get caught?"

"No, of course he won't get caught," Lolly sulked, pulling her knobby knees into her arms. "Master isn't going to tell anyone. Even though Lolly told him that he must! He must tell people what that mean man is doing to him. Comes home with big cuts, he does. Cuts and bruises. Bite marks, sometimes. And those awful tears. He cries so much, Master does," said the little creature, as if it pained her to talk about Gilderoy being hurt.

"That's horrible! That son of a... you know what? I need to call Tonks," said Dudley, jumping to his feet and running out the door. "Thanks for telling me all that, Lolly!"

The little elf waved to the boy as he left, wondering what he was plotting with the short haired girl.

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**That tis it. Chapter 5. **

**Summary: **

**Dudley got hit with the Killing Curse and ended up on Privet Drive, and yeah. Then Lockhart has fifteen more pages in the chapter of his book he's writing. There's a house elf named Lolly, and she tells Dudley all about how Lockhart's publisher hexes him if he turns something in late. (Like my creepy english teacher!) Anyway, now Dudley needs to call Tonks. **

**For those who actually read it, finally some talk of Diagon Alley in there. shudder* my English teacher glares into my soul when I turn in homework late. It's scary. _She's_ scary. That is why this chapter sucked.**

**Anywho... *NINJA RAINBOWS* out!**


	6. Enter Antagonist Number One!

**Okay, I think I said Tonks was still at Hogwarts in one of the chapters, and that's because when I started writing this, I asked my friend if Dudley was the same age as Harry, and she said he was a year older... Yeah. So Dudley is no longer a year older than Harry, Tonks is not at Hogwarts, because she graduated last year, and that creepy blonde chick that Tonks and Draco hate is still in seventh year. And please pardon Tonks and her potty mouth :) I don't own Harry Potter!**

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"No way! Poor Lockhart! That dirty little..." Tonks proceeded to shout a string of curses that Dudley tried to block out, but failed, "...publisher! I absolutely can not believe this! We need to make him stop. That man is one big fat ass hole sandwich, and your dad, oh your dad, he's that ass hole sandwich's plate! Oh yes! He is the plate!"

The blonde boy's left eyebrow lifted, and he stared at her ridiculously. "My dad is a plate?" he asked the now fuming red haired girl who was seated across from him in the lounge.

"Of the ass hole sandwich! Oh, sorry. Forgot you're only eleven. That _butt_ hole sandwich," she said quietly, her pale cheeks flushing red and her eyes and hair becoming a blue shade that reflected her embarrassed mood.

Dudley waved her off. "No, you're right. He's a bloody git, and he needs to be stopped," he said, nodding determinedly. Tonks agreed, and there was silence for a moment. "So, do you have a plan?" the boy asked her. The girl grunted to herself.

"I was about to ask you that same question... I think we might need to wait for a little. Maybe ask Draco, for an eleven year old, he's the master of schemes," Tonks said, leaning on her knees. "You know," she began, before Dudley's father walked into the room, his hair tousled and his robe much less flamboyant, seeing as it was black. His smile said everything was fine, but his eyes, which sat behind a pair of black horn-rimmed glasses, said he was going to die of sleep deprivation.

"Ready to go to Diagon Alley?" he asked, sounding rather downtrodden. Dudley nodded and stood up, bidding Tonks fair well and watching her disappear into the fireplace. Gilderoy put an arm around his son's shoulder, and the two strolled down the hallway. Eventually they found the front door, along with an extremely bored looking Heidi Hagrid. As they approached, she ran a hand through her mane of bushy brown hair.

"What took you blokes so long!? Decided to take the scenic route? Lockhart, didn't remember you wore glasses!" she bellowed, her round cheeks moving upward in a smile as she stretched her arms as much as her huge brown trench coat would allow. Dudley laughed and Heidi linked her long arm through his, hunching down to do so, and then gave up and picked him up and put him on her shoulders. He had to duck so he didn't hit his head on the tall main entrance way, Heidi was so humongous.

They approached the old beat up motorcycle that sat in their driveway, and Heidi climbed on, making as much room as was possible for the blonde boy and his father. Dudley wrapped his arms around the half giant girl's waist and felt Gilderoy put a protective hand on his shoulder as the motorbike took flight. The flight to Diagon Alley probably would've been shorter if Heidi hadn't insisted upon flying through every flock of birds they found, and poking almost all of the birds in those flocks.

However, once they finally _did_ reach the Leaky Cauldron, they couldn't find a parking space. Eventually, Heidi reverted to picking up someone's Volkswagen Beetle and putting it on the sidewalk, then parking the motorcycle there instead. Dudley made many objections, but the half giant put his head inside her trench coat and kept walking, so he decided not to argue with her anymore. There are things in that trench coat that faces aren't supposed to touch.

The Leaky Cauldron was so majorly cool. Even if they did simply walk straight through and come out on the other side, what Dudley caught glimpses of was pretty awesome. Both Heidi and Gilderoy kept their heads ducked and faces covered by their shirt collars as they walked as quickly as possible out of the other side. Diagon Alley was even more incredible. Shops lined the cobblestone streets, which were crowded with wizards wearing an assortment of colors and speaking a variety of languages. A girl dressed in red called out to her sister in French. A red haired boy tackled another boy who looked exactly like him before their mother shouted at them and led the two and the rest of her caravan of children down the street. A shady looking man walked down a shady looking street with a sign that Dudley couldn't make out.

A massive columned building at the very end of the main street had people bustling in and out, and the blonde boy wondered if that was possibly Gringotts Wizarding Bank. His father handed him and Heidi a sack of gold each. "Okay, to make this fast and easy, we're going to split up. Heidi, you grab his books, I'll get the stuff from Wizacres, and Dudley can go get fitted for robes. Then we'll meet back up and get his wand. Okay?" said the man, gesturing with his hands.

The other two nodded and the three broke off in different directions. Dudley started to explore, and to find Madam Malkin's, because he had no clue where that would be. He would've asked somebody, but they were all sort of old and powerful looking. He was starting to worry that he'd gotten lost when a firm hand fell upon his shoulder. "Hello, Dudley. You look lost," said a steely voice that the boy recognized all too well as Lucius Malfoy's Death Eater voice.

He turned around to find the man and Draco standing there, both wearing sneers and cold glares. "Oh, Mr. Malfoy. You scared me!" said Dudley once he found his voice. The edge of Lucius' mouth quirked upward and he took his hand off the boy's shoulder.

"Lockhart," Draco said in a slimy and smirking voice, moving to link arms with Dudley. "Where were you going to? My father and I were just headed over to Madam Malkin's to get me fitted for my school robes."

Wow, this Draco and Lucius seemed so different than the ones he met at the meeting. Where was their light and airy voices, and their unfocused eyes? They seemed so cold and uncaring. As they approached the robe shop, a witch wearing an emerald green dress and a matching pointed hat tried to separate the Malfoy's from Dudley. "Stop trying to poison the young minds, Lucius!" she snapped harshly, swatting at the long haired man.

"Actually, Madam Malkin, he's with us," Draco said, sneering at her as though he thought he was better. Not at all like the Draco who Dudley remembered. That Draco was a sweet little boy with a devious, trouble making side to him. Someone who made you smile even if what he said was sort of scary. This Draco was mean and pointy. Whatever that means.

The witch, Madam Malkin, took a moment to contemplate that, before ushering the three inside and putting Dudley up on the pedestal for fitting. That took a good long while, and Lucius kept Dudley in a conversation until after Draco had been fitted. Madam Malkin checked them out at the register, and asked Dudley for his name. Before he could answer, however, the long haired man cut him off. "Scorpius!" he said quickly. Everyone in the room turned to stare at him. He cleared his throat and nodded. "Scorpius Tonks. He's my," there was a second of hesitation, "nephew. Dearest Andromeda's son. Yes, that's him. Thank you for your service, Madam Malkin, we will be going now."

And with that, the three exited the shop. Dudley almost asked very loudly why Lucius would make up a story about him being his nephew, but before he could, again, the man pulled him into an alleyway. "Wow, glad you didn't blow it back there. I was scared for a second. Gurdyroot juice?" asked Lucius, pulling a flask of something lumpy and pink from his robe pocket. The boy said he'd pass.

"Why would you say I was your nephew? I could've just said my real name and went along with my day!" he pulled at his hair and his face as he asked the man this question. Lucius, who's head seemed to be getting more and more muddled as he drank his gurdyroot juice, sighed.

"Your dad's in a bit of trouble with the Ministry. It was really quite a funny dispute. Minister Fudge wanted him to hurry up with writing his next book, impatient man, and when Gilderoy told him it'd be a while, he started getting real upset. Oh, then that little thing broke out and your dad ended up punching the Minister of Magic straight in the oversized nose," he responded with a loud giggle.

Dudley stared at Mr. Malfoy, who had switched back to his normal self within a split second. He nearly responded to what he'd just heard, **_M__y_**_ dad punched the Minister? That's wild._ However, he heard the crash of shattering glass and an ear splitting, deep voice shouting, "LOCKHART!"_  
_

"Oh dear, I think your dad might be in trouble. This isn't going to end well. Dudley, you and Draco go and hide, son, I'm sure you know the drill. If this is who I think it is, things could get dangerous. I'm going to try and break up the fight," Lucius told the boys, switching back into his Death Eater voice and ushering them up the street, away from the area of the huge screaming crowd that had just amassed around something. Multicolored lights flashed up into the air, and cries of, "YOU CAN TAKE HIM!" and, "FRED, GEORGE! STOP ENCOURAGING THEM!" or a scream that sounded suspiciously like Tonks, "KICK HIS ASS, BLONDIE! C'MON!"

Draco grabbed the other boy's arm and ran up the street, something that looked like a morphed version of terror twisted onto his pale face. A large mass of shoppers were running down to see the fight, and Dudley was dragged away from his friend, and the two lost each other. After the crowd had passed, Draco was gone. Fear crept up the blonde's spine, and he cupped his hands around his mouth. "_Draco!_" he screamed. "_Draco, where are you!?_"

He started running in the direction he'd seen his friend going, but before he'd taken so much as six fast steps, he crashed into someone going an equal high speed. The two crashed to the ground and white hot pain flashed into Dudley's head as it hit the brick ground. Laying there, he let the stars exit his range of vision, and he heard someone groan next to him. "Oh, I am so sorry!" he said, glancing over and seeing a nine or ten year old girl with blonde pigtails laying on the ground next to him, holding her head.

"No, I should be ze sorry vun here. Vas my fault, I vas going too fast," she told him, sitting up and speaking with a very French accent. She replaced her soft pink colored beret and adjusted her matching robes. Then she stood and helped Dudley to his feet. "Gabrielle Delacour eez my name. 'Ave you zeen my sister Fleur? She looks like me, but much taller and much older?"

"Uh, no. I haven't, sorry. I'm Dudley, by the way," he said, holding out his hand. The girl took it daintily and curtsied.

"It eez my first time 'ere in zis Diagon Alley, my family and I 'ave been travelling. Fleur said to meet 'er in ze... Owl Emporium?" Gabrielle asked, reading a word written on the palm of her hand. Dudley nodded her along to where she asked to go, and she gave him a kiss on the cheek before she walked off.

Dudley contemplated what to do. _Well, I could try and find Draco, I could hide, I could completely disobey Mr. Malfoy and run down to the fight... That sounds good._He said to himself, turning around and dashing down to the crowd of people. He saw a light colored wand fly above everyone's heads and clatter to the cobblestone street next to his feet. The blonde boy leaned down and picked it up. It had a swirly end and was brushed with gold on the handle. It was his dad's wand.

He dropped on all fours to see between people's legs, and caught glimpses of two pairs of feet running about the circle of people that had formed around them. The shoes that looked like Dudley's father ran to one side of the circle, as though he was trying to hide. A sickening _crack_ followed, and Gilderoy Lockhart fell to the ground. A wand was thrown to him from someone in the crowd, and a second wand dropped as Lockhart pointed his and yelled, "Expelliarmus!"

The whole crowd made disappointed noises and the other man kicked Dudley's father in the ribs after he retrieved his wand. Then, pointing the wooden thing at the blonde man laying at his feet, he hissed, "_Crucio_."

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**Were you guys confused? I was. Don't worry, Gabrielle Delacour will come back later in a much more significant way. Later. Maybe in like... part four. Assuming I ever _get_ to part four. Anyway, hope you enjoyed. Was much longer than my other ones, but I had fun writing it. I need to get better at the fight scenes, though, cause there's gonna be a lot of those.**

***ninja rainbows* out!**


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